First term is finally over with and now I get to enjoy 2 glorious weeks with no annoying tests, projects, homework or math! YAY! I am very excited that Christmas is only a few days away and that I get to spend some more time with my family. Let's all hope that the world doesn't end tomorrow though! I have watched those TV shows about people getting ready for the "Apocalypse" and let me tell you, come Saturday morning there will be many people in the world who will look very stupid! And I will laugh very hard!
Anyways, have a happy holiday and I will be back writing a bunch of stuff in January (if the world doesn't end!)
I have 4 days of school left until the holidays, and I am under so much stress it isn't funny. In 4 days I have 2 tests, a quiz and too many projects due. That doesn't make me happy. Yes I understand that it is 1 AM but I was finalizing my science project, and attempting to study for a quiz tomorrow..... it didn't exactly work out so well. Whatever, I'm going to do horribly on it anyways and at this point I've got nothing to lose!
My dad found out about me getting a 50. He did not take it well. I seriously think he should have seen the coming. I'm actually still too nervous to show him the one I just got back, even if I was in the 60s this time. He just doesn't care and that upsets me.
Well, I should be thinking about sleeping since it's late and I have a quiz tomorrow that I am probably going to fail because being the genius that I am I know NOTHING and I am completely lost at the moment. Me and Math have never really agreed with each other. And probably never will..... tragic :(
Well, Good night and I'll be happy if I get in the 50s on that quiz tomorrow. That's how low my expectations are!
I am not in the greatest mood today! I have had a really rough couple of weeks, and I'm still under a ton of stress. Basically, my life is pretty messed up right now and here are some of the reasons why!
1. I just failed another math test. Not the one I just took, but the one way back in November. I got it back last week and I got a 50. At first, I didn't even want to look at it. When I did, I regretted it instantly and cried for like 3 hours. Not fun.
2. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I still have 6 math classes before the holidays, and I am very lost. I had another panic attack about 20 minutes ago as well! Great..... :(
3. My parents are being super annoying! They are always saying that I'm not contributing enough to my family and blah blah blah. My Dad is always super harsh on me and my grades as well. If he ever finds out that I failed that test, I'm dead! It's also not my fault that last week I was obsessing over a math test, and this week I have a gazillion projects and tests due! I also have 5 younger siblings who can clean up after themselves and help out too! They are always yelling at me, and I'm sick of it!
4. I still feel anxious about everything! I get nervous way too much now. I don't even know why half of the time. I don't feel like myself anymore. Obviously, I'm nervous during math. That's expected. But now, I'm getting really nervous in classes before math and sometimes the classes afterwards. A few weeks ago, I was supposed to go to extra help, then got scared and hid somewhere for an hour. I just don't feel that great about any of this.
5. I have said it before and I have said it many, many times. I still don't know who I should really trust. Definitely not my parents! I can't trust them with anything except to make my life stressful and to scream in my face every other second. This is more my Dad than my Mom. I sorta trust my guidance counsellor, but I don't always feel like it helps me. I think the only people that I know I can trust are my friends and probably my teacher. Other than that, No. I barely trust myself.
I'm extremely upset right now. Even though the holidays are a week away, I'm just not in the mood. I'm just not.
Well..... I had a math test today. The following message describes how it went. If you are good at finding code things .... then you'll get it
Ice cream is fun Flounder is a fish Apes like sugared muffins I'm a dragon Libraries are good nap spots Everyone loves to jump Donuts are fatty
I'm pretty sure you got it. It's obvious enough. I was shaking for the entire time and I felt really crappy. Now for some random reason, I'm exhausted and can't fall asleep. My brain still feels like it was deep fried and I ran into a wall this morning. Yes..... that totally helps. At least the break is coming. 10 more school days to go! That means 9 more math classes! Why does community outreach day have to be on the day where I already don't have math? WHY!?
My next math test is coming up on Wednesday, and I am not ready for it AT ALL! Let's just say that I barely understand anything and I'm just too nervous to do anything. My parents are now completely involved in this..... THAT ISN'T A GOOD THING! They flip out at my every move now. It is really annoying me. I feel like I'm just getting a lot more nervous. I get nervous about a lot more this year than I did last year. For example, me not showing up to extra help last week because I was petrified. I swear, I am going to have to force myself in that room on Tuesday, because I know that I need it, I just get really nervous.
I actually haven't really started studying yet, partly because I have no idea what I'm doing and partly because of other things that come first. So, I actually had a nice weekend for once. I baked cookies and kinda messed them up because I added the wrong amount of something. Whatever, it was really fun anyways and they didn't turn out too horribly..... so I guess it's all good.
I am trying really really hard to be not as negative as I usually am about the whole thing, but it is extremely hard for me. I am really scared about the test considering the fact that I am clueless about almost everything we've done so far. Last week wasn't very great either. Some huge math related thingy impacted me almost every single day last week. On Monday, I had a panic attack right after class and had another incident with my horrible timing skills. On Tuesday, I got sent to the guidance office because I was upset in tech class. On Wednesday I got frustrated doing my homework. Same thing with Thursday. On Friday, let's just say that in class, I was pretty much dying. On the bright side, the test will be over with on Wednesday and I won't have to worry about another one until January. Let's just hope that I can at least understand something in the next 2 days..... or else I'm done for.
The word stressed isn't enough to describe how I'm feeling at this moment. Same thing with the words: Anxious, Freaked out, Nervous..... you get the idea. Today was the worst! My tech teacher made me go to the guidance office half-way through class because I looked really upset. My friend told me that I have looked like a nervous wreck in every single class for the past week and a half. I always get that feeling, where I want to say something, but I just can't find the words to. I am not feeling like myself anymore because I am constantly nervous. It doesn't help that I have a math test next Wednesday and that I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.
I have talked to my guidance counsellor a bunch of times.... but I don't feel like it always helps me. Cause it happens again the next day. Looking at it, the only time where I have actually felt better after one of those conversations, was last year after I talked to my teacher. I actually don't know what to do anymore. I was also supposed to go to extra-help today, but I was too nervous. I don't know if that was the greatest idea though. I really should have gone.
I just don't feel like myself anymore. Of course, in math I am always quiet and never participate or anything. But in other classes, it is different. A few weeks ago, I walked into English crying because I was so scared. And today in science, my hands would not stop shaking. This is affecting me ..... it's affecting me way too much! But I feel like nothing ever helps. It always goes back to the way it was.
Well, I have to go colour in a map and finish my math homework. *Correction: try to understand what the heck I'm doing. I am exhausted, and I need to go to bed early. Oh, and I have math first thing in the morning tomorrow. Good Night. I really hope that I find something that helps me, because right now I'm stressed, scared, anxious, frustrated and clueless.
Well, I had a stressful week... to say the least! I had more problems with my math homework tonight and I'm not feeling that great about anything. My parents have been stressing me out a lot in the past few days. They are now WAY to involved in this! I had a doctors appointment today, and my Dad brought up my anxiety. Here I am thinking: Oh now I'm screwed! I really think I am too! The last thing I need is my parent's involvement in this whole thing. Every time I've had a problem that they've found out about, they stress me out so much and then I get pressured so much more.
They always say that I am being to hard on myself. I understand that I am, but they are hard on ME! With all of their high expectations and all that! They can't expect me to get rid of all my problems in a day, because we all know that it won't happen!
Tonight, I got really stressed out with my homework. It didn't go too badly, but It could have gone better. Let's just say that yesterday was a billion times worse! I'm really trying hard, but my parents don't seem to get that! Hopefully they will one day, because they are getting on my nerves!
Well, Happy Friday everyone and hopefully my Dad didn't eternally screw me over today!